It's Love Isn't It?

It’s Love…Isn’t It?

Love. There’s nothing quite so exciting. Suddenly, your life seems to have become a romantic storybook tale come true, filled with loving attention and the sense that you are adored, desired, special. What could be wrong with that? It’s love, isn’t it?

Perhaps. And, perhaps not.

Sometimes, it’s difficult to know whether what appear to be signs of love may, in fact, be signs of a potentially abusive relationship. Throughout the year, but particularly during this month of Valentine’s Day, staff of the Partnership’s Family Violence Shelter and Services urges young women — and young men—to consider whether what appears to be a loving relationship is, in fact, a healthy one. Here is the “checklist” which staff has devised, for that purpose, for both to consider:

I think I’m in love, but…

…he/she is jealous and possessive.

…he/she doesn’t want to “share” me with others.

…he/she gets upset when I talk with my friends.

…he/she is suspicious and wants to know where I am, all the time.

…he/she says, “If you really loved me, you would…”

…he/she sometimes humiliates me in public.

…he/she has “rules” for the way I should act.

…he/she has hurt me emotionally.

…he/she has hurt me physically – but was really sorry, afterward.

If several statements on this checklist feel uncomfortably familiar, you may be in a relationship that is unhealthy and can lead – or, already has led – to abuse. On the other hand, if yours is a healthy relationship…

…he/she respects you and your right to make your own decisions.

…he/she doesn’t make unrealistic demands of you.

…he/she has no “ideal” expectations for you.

…he/she feels “good” about him/herself…and makes you feel the same about yourself.

One final note: the Partnership’s Family Violence Services offers a 24/7 Hotline, for those who are in  relationships they feel to be abusive and who wish to talk to someone who understands and can help them. The number: (423) 755-2700.